Comparison & Contentment – Nov 2018

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“To top everything off, there’s the worst guilt-inducing culprit of all, the thing that’s currently singing sleepy songs into my hip bone. My phone. It’s the phone that I’ve just now picked up to check on the actual time—it’s 2:14 AM, to be exact—and that I’m now using to scroll through my Facebook feed. It’s the phone that’s assaulting me with a bright screen of spectacular status updates from all my friends, which I’ve somehow missed as I’ve been stumbling through my days.”

Episode 47 // Comparison: The Thief of Everything – Lindsey Cornett, Jenni Van Winkle & Corey Wheeland

This episode explores part of November’s Kindred Mom topic–Comparison. Host Emily Sue Allen chats with Lindsey Cornett and Jennifer Van Winkle about what comparison steals away from those who give it an inch, and practical ways to combat the propensity women have to compare themselves. In the second segment, Emily talks with Corey Wheeland, Fall 2018 Writer in Residence for Kindred Mom, about how she has navigated comparison as a single mom.

Not Too Bad – Lindsey Cornett

“I had been struggling all winter. We repeated this scene Monday through Thursday each week: rush through breakfast, slide into boots, start the van to warm it up, track mud and snow into the house, wrap three children in snow gear, but not so well as to make it very difficult to unbundle them in a minute. Carry two wobbly toddlers and walk with one whiny preschooler, watching for ice patches. Put everyone in the van, and now remove their coats so they can be safely buckled in their 5-point harnesses. Tuck them in with blankets, then listen to them cry on the drive when the blankets slide to the van floor. Fight traffic. Arrive at the school, hunt for a parking space, get wet and cold as the snow falls, unbuckle three car seats, put coats back on all three children, buckle stroller, walk in the snow. Pray for someone—anyone—to hold the door for us. Try to keep the boys from fighting about pushing the elevator button. Drop off. Return to car. Unbuckle stroller, unzip coats, buckle car seats (just two this time). Repeat when arriving at home. (And again, at afternoon pick-up.) I hate winter.”

Dear Size Two Mom – Kristi Clark

“You don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but we met briefly the other day in the fitting rooms at a local clothing store. We each had a toddler in tow, yours a little girl about six months older than my little guy. You were looking for a dress to wear to a wedding, but I was there just to try something pretty on in hopes of looking in the mirror and seeing a glimpse of the body I knew before pregnancy. As I was sifting through the clothes on display, you walked barefoot out of the fitting room to ask my opinion on the pretty floral dress you were wearing.

‘Do you think the petite size two is too snug?’ you asked, tugging at the waist as you turned around in front of the big mirror. ‘Do you think I should go with the regular size two instead?’

I immediately wanted to hide the size tags of the dresses I had just pulled from the sale rack. You don’t know this, size two mom, but I have always struggled with my weight, and the changes that having a baby brought to my body are something I still struggle to accept, especially since they stubbornly remain eighteen months later.”

Go Where the Love Is – Patty H. Scott

“One year, I was struggling with being the third wheel in a friendship. The other two girls were inseparable. I was an afterthought. My remaining in this friendship reflected how much I esteemed myself. I felt I wasn’t worth a really sweet connection. I believed I didn’t have enough to offer. That was the lie I had grown to believe about myself – that my worth depended upon my ability to perform well and be as near to perfect as I could.

I shared the pain of this situation with my boyfriend (whom I later had the good sense to marry). He said something key: ‘Go where the love is. I figure about 50% of the people are going to love me no matter what, and the other 50% aren’t going to really care – or worse. When you think about it, those who really love you can’t be easily turned away. Those who don’t can’t be easily converted. So, just go where the love is.’ That man. He’s quiet, so you have to seek out his input, but when you do, it’s solid gold.”

Between Now and Knowing – Jenn Tanaka

“To be honest, I cried right before coming here. I always knew my daughter was different. I mean, aren’t all children different? I sit confused, while my heart and my mind are in total conflict. I’ve set out to raise my children to embrace the uniqueness of others and to be pleased and content that they are who God created them to be. But right here, as I sit in this room, I realize that I’m here because my child is different—she doesn’t learn like the other kids. As I try to find out why I feel my soul tearing in two. I want her to be her own person, yet part of me wants her to bend to the ways of society and to be able to succeed under their rules. I feel like a horrible mom if I move one way or the other, but today I have to make a choice. I have to choose whether or not to pursue an educational evaluation. I have to choose whether or not there will be documentation saying she needs accommodations – documentation saying she doesn’t fit the norm.”

Episode 48 // Contentment: The Quest for Peace – Lynne Patti, Rebekah Crosby & Tammy Mashburn

This episode explores part of November’s Kindred Mom topic–Contentment. Host Emily Sue Allen chats with Lynne Patti and Rebekah Crosby about cultivating contentment and why this is important in motherhood. In the second segment, Emily talks with Tammy Mashburn, a writer, and resilient grandmother who has an inspiring perspective about contentment despite facing a serious chronic illness.

Not Instagram’s Fault – Robin Chapman

“I begin the long process of bringing calm into my house rather than trying to cheat by importing it through my phone. I choose to be present to monitor and correct my three-year-old’s series of questionable choices. I read books to the little two. The girls come back in with chilly fingers—it’s too cold to be without gloves, but too early declare defeat by digging them out—and we get lunch. My messy, noisy life remains (complete with crappy lighting), but the discontent has nearly evaporated.”

In Fields of Self-Doubt – Amy Tol

“Nighttime can be brutal, a flurry of insecurities often tugging me away from the sleep my body craves: Should I be making the kids do more chores? Should I be pushing my son to try out for the play? Should I be volunteering more at school, or at church, or in the community? In so many ways, in so many moments, I look at other moms around me and feel deficient. Like that corn stalk in the middle of a soybean field, I feel different and awkward, incapable of building a life that works like everyone else’s.”

Not What You Expected? Don’t Miss the Magic – Rebekah Crosby

“The tricky thing about expectations is that they tend to hide away quietly in the closet of my mind, lights off, waiting. Often I don’t even realize they’re there—until they jump out and yell, “Surprise!” and scare me half to death. For the record, surprise parties are not really my thing, and pregnancy marked the beginning of the upending of just about every expectation I would hold about my future children and my role as their mom.”