To my sweet little monkeys,
We’ve had a summer full of adventures—feeding camels and bears at the wild animal park, watching baby goats enter the world; kayaking and fishing and picnicking at the dam; camping in the woods and cooking over a bonfire. We visited amusement parks, water parks, and playground after playground. We rode bikes and scooters and rollerblades. We played baseball and soccer and golf. We had our first serious injury scare. We took an impromptu road trip and spent time with family and friends. I’m exhausted just listing all of it!
And still, I find myself wondering if it was enough.
Surely, reading this list, you would agree that our summer was full. We were busy. But was it enough?
Was I enough?
Time passes so quickly, and as you get older, it seems to pick up speed. My time with you feels limited to summers and holidays, time when I don’t have to share you with your teachers and peers. Time when we’re not enslaved by schedules and timelines and pressure to keep up. Did I savor the summer enough? Did we do too much? Did we relax enough?
Now, with only a few short weeks of summer remaining, I find myself bouncing back and forth between emotions. As we prepare to send you off to second grade and kindergarten, I feel both excitement and the grief of letting you go. I can’t wait for a moment to breathe and be still while you are at school, but I miss you terribly already.
Did I snuggle you enough? Did I breathe you in? Did I spend too much time distracted by nonsense? Will I remember your wiggly teeth and how your tiny hands fit inside mine? Will I remember how you fit on my lap, how I rocked you and sang with you? How will I console your youngest brother’s sadness as you leave when I want to chase after you myself?
You are my sidekicks, my best buddies, my shadows. Yet once again, it is time for me to hand you over. My trust in our Heavenly Father who goes with you and before you helps me to loosen my grip.
Still, I humbly pray and plead with God to protect you, to comfort you, to be your strength and to give you direction.
To my oldest, I pray that you will continue to be a blessing to your teachers and peers. I pray that you rely on the Holy Spirit to lead you in ways to behave and treat others. Remember what it feels like to start something new and how before long, those butterflies will disappear as routines develop. I pray that you will guide your brother as he goes to school with you, gently encouraging him when he feels unsure.
To my middle, I pray you will feel loved and accepted by your teachers and classmates. I pray that your creative spirit continues to blossom and you will find opportunities to sing and draw and play. I pray that your heart to protect others will be acknowledged and you will find a friend who protects you in return. I pray that you never stop noticing hearts and hurts when others overlook them. I pray for God to grant you the energy and strength you need as you adjust to full days of school.
And to my baby, who will remain home with me, I pray for your safety, for your health, for your heart and mind to love the Lord. I am so thankful for your determination, your desire to please, and your growing independence. I pray that the Lord helps me to treasure and enjoy the time we have alone this year. I pray that we both are comforted by the Lord as we grieve the season of change and the sadness that will come with missing our boys.
As I slide back and forth between joy and sorrow, I hear our Heavenly Father whispering, “Mama, let go. You’re not enough, but I am.”
I cannot keep you under my wing forever (although at times I wish I could). But I trust that wherever you are, and wherever you will go, the Lord will be with you.
My little loves, you are my greatest treasures. I love you more deeply than I ever thought possible. I pray that this year brings each of you abundant joy.
All my love,
Carrie Curry is a former elementary teacher turned business owner/baker from a small town in Pennsylvania. She is a mom to three wild little boys and has been married to her husband for ten years. Carrie is passionate about bringing moms together and hosts a weekly women’s book/Bible study in her home. She finds connection to be her lifeline during this challenging season of life. Carrie runs the blog She is Well to help other women in their journey toward physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness, and also to hold herself accountable in the same pursuit. In her rare free time, you can find Carrie curled up with a good book, a hot cup of tea, and an endless stream of podcast episodes playing in her ears. Connect with Carrie on Facebook and Instagram.